Bullying occurs day in and day out. It damages week after week. It hurts year after year. Until…What? Who? When? Where? How?
There are laws being signed with the best intentions. There are programs being implemented with the best of intentions. Nothing is being accomplished. Guess what? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Maybe the problem is with the adults and not the kids. Maybe the parents and the school administrations and staff are the ones who should reap the consequences of bullying events.
The adults are talking the talk but not walking the walk. Empty efforts are an insult and an attack on every child in every school. Children are being abused and they are dying. At the very least, bullying events can cause psychological damage to the victims, bullies and bystanders that lasts for years.
Think of this analogy
You take a school bus to a mechanic and make it known that the bus doesn’t stop when the brakes are used. What would you expect the mechanic to do?
- Paint the bus so it looks great for everyone to see?
- Give you a document saying that the brakes on the bus are working?
- Remove the brakes from the bus since that is the problem?
If you accept any of the above bogus repairs, you are responsible for the outcome. Sure, the bus looks good and the brake issue isn’t visible. You have a document stating that the brakes are in working order. You take possession of the bus and get behind the wheel. Shame on you!
Why? When you accept that the bus is in working order without seeing real evidence, your children are not safe.
If your school’s bullying program isn’t working, its like allowing your children to ride in a bus with no brakes.
Photo: Jason Edward Scott Bain
Why are adults to blame? There is no magical switch that a parent, administrator, teacher, etc. can turn on and off in the back of a kid’s head. I agree, no law will change this. Perhaps the underlying issue is we are forcing our kids into school systems that just dont work anymore? Kids bully for a myriad of reasons. Most commonly, the underlying issue is that they are couped up in a school for five days of a week and not allowed to do what kids did naturally for millions of years, which was to explore their environment and expand their knowledge. No parenting skill can fix this. Why? If a parent allows their child who is acting out against their natural tendencies to be free, they will be considered a bad parent. They are looked upon as being dis-engaged with the child. If they try to control the child, the child reacts even more aggressively. Eventually, the parent realizes they are in a lose-lose situation and the child suffers even more damage. So, how do you stop bullying? Re-envision how we can engage together. Im not looking for us all to join a commune, but I will also not tell anyone which way is the right way to live. I am only saying that the way we are living today is what is causing anger in our children.
Thank you so much for your comment and I agree with so much that you said but disagree with parts. Why are adults to blame? I don’t think that blame is the right word to use. It’s more like parents must be responsible.
You are right there is no magical button in a kid’s mind that can turn off the anger and poor behavior. You are right the school systems that used to work don’t anymore. You are also right about the fact that kids bully for a myriad of reasons. I beg to differ as to what the underlying issue of bullying is.
That said, I do agree with you that kids who never get out to experience nature and just run and play and expend physical energy are the losers. You said that no parenting skill can fix this. It’s not really a parenting skill that can fix this but a parent who insists on it.
What parents can be labeled as bad parents when they are trying to help solve their children’s issues in the best way they can? All parents feel like they are in lose-lose situations at times during their children’s lives.
Kids weren’t born with directions. We just try to do what is right and learn as we go. The thing is that when we find that our kids are not progressing in the best way, we need to find help from somewhere. Parents do need to get together. That’s a huge part of the solution but the only way that will work is if they don’t judge or preach. They must work together and collaborate in order to keep all kids safe.
There is definitely some reason or reasons that kids are more angry today than they were in years past. Kids aren’t born angry. They learn anger by experiencing it someplace in their lives.
We as parents have the responsibility to work together to solve the anger puzzle in our society and until we do, bullying events will continue.